What was the main theme of the book?
The book seeks to prepare first time parents who are thinking about a second or are already pregnant again.
It’s a very thorough book, covering making the decision to have a second all the way through to managing siblings behaviour together.
It combines her maternal experience, her professional knowledge as an antenatal teacher, doula and author, and scientific research which results in a very well balanced book which generally covers both sides of every argument.
This is rare in a parenting book as they tend to be quite biased in certain directions.
The chapters are titled:
- Deciding to have another baby
- Conceiving the second time around
- What to Expect when you’re expecting again
- Preparing number 1 for number 2
- Shorting, shopping and sharing
- Second births
- Childcare during labour and birth
- The baby’s here! and so is the guilt
- Beautiful chaos: the early days with two
- Difficult reactions and tricky behaviours
- Your feelings in the future
Who is the intended audience?
I was given the book when finishing work for maternity leave at 8 months and whilst it was helpful, the first few chapters were redundant. To get the most out of the book I would recommend buying it if you’re thinking about having another one.
This is a book for both older todler siblings that will be having a new baby sibling, as well as for parents thinking about going from one child to two.
You can always flag certain chapters you’d like to read closer to birth again. Even if you’re just not sure about having two, the first couple of chapters are helpful.
Standout Chapters: Sibling Rivalry and Second Births
The chapter that I found most useful was around sibling rivalry. It’s one of the areas I’m keenly aware will be an upcoming issue as time goes on and it’s a tricky thing to handle. The chapter was not only informative for parents but also very encouraging.
She talked about the benefits of children going through arguments and how it can actually be very helpful for their development.
Currently, the idea of children seems to be almost unpopular, or you are encouraged to have only one child so you don’t have to disrupt your life too much. I loved how she was showing positive research about how good it is for children to have siblings.
The whole book referenced all the benefits and blessings a second child would be for the family and it was very refreshing to hear that compared to a general perception that more than one child is a bit reckless!
“In short, sibling fighting allows children to grow up practicing social skills that will be necessary to see them peacefully through life.
They get to practice the less positive side of relationships, tackle personal conflict and understand how their behaviour affects others in the safety of their own home, so that when they leave it, they carry with them the important lessons to future relationships.
With no, or little fighting, they lose the opportunity for this important emotional development. For parents, sibling rivalry can often be hard to handle and something that most seek to, unsuccessfully, avoid, but for the children, it’s a gift”
I also found the chapter around a second birth very helpful, having gone through a fairly traumatic experience the first time around and the advice around how to introduce your new arrival to their sibling very useful.
Final Thoughts: A Must-Read for Growing Families
It had a very sensible, down to earth feel about it. It talked about the nitty gritty details that a lot of books don’t want to go into. It referenced scientific studies around things like the gaps between siblings.
She would reference two sides of the argument very fairly and you came away not even really knowing what she personally thought on some issues.
Obviously it has to be generic enough to apply to most people, so it won’t always dive into your issue in enough detail or represent your exact experiences.
But as a general preparation for a second baby it’s a very good book, and I’d recommend everyone thinking about having a second to read it.
“Remind yourself that images of family life you see on the internet, or even in real-life, are just snippets. Well-edited snippets if they’re on social media. You’re seeing other families at their best. Don’t compare your worst to their best!
The book can be purchased here and Sarah Ockwell-Smith’s website has more information about her other work which is well worth a visit.
