You can’t avoid it from talking to your work colleagues to your instagram feed.
The UK is opening up again and some people just can’t wait. Shops have opened, beauty salons have opened and restaurants and pubs are serving outdoors now.
The extraverts are, quite simply, delighted. They may have been saying for the last 14 months ‘Zoom is better than nothing, but it’s nothing like being together’.
And now we can be together (based on the latest covid law), but also places like offices and churches are open now.
We have the opportunity to ‘just chat’ that has been denied us over lockdown.
But extraverts, please remember your introvert friends may not be quite as desperate to ‘return to normal’ as you are
For some introverts, the last 14 months might not have been quite so challenging and demanding. They may have had more energy, headspace and a better pace of life. They may have enjoyed being able to not attend social events or engage in small talk.
I’ve noticed almost a sense of shame that some introverts are experiencing because they’re not as desperate for life to return to normal.
The extraverts simply can’t understand why you’re not delighted to be back and planning a social invite every weekend or evening if it’s not raining.
If you’re delighted that life is returning a bit more back to normal, don’t assume everyone is thinking like and please don’t make a comment if someone you talk to isn’t quite as excited.
You may have missed small talk, but the introverts might have enjoyed the lack of it
Everybody has been saying ‘It’s just so nice to be able to chat in person again isn’t it?’. But it might not be so nice for some introverts. Remember that for a high majority of introverts (the exact statistics differ) they don’t enjoy small talk.
It doesn’t feel very meaningful to them, instead it feels pointless and tiring.
If they’re going to spend energy talking to someone who they don’t have a close relationship with, they’d probably prefer to have some depth to the conversation rather than cover the weather or if you’ve had your vaccine yet.
Maybe go with something more like ‘what is the hardest thing you’ve found this year’ or ‘what do you think the future of work will like for most people now’.
At least that way the conversation will be more interesting and chances are you’ll get to know that person better.
Remember you get energised by talking to others, but it’s the opposite for introverts.
The two personality types have very different levels of stimulation and dopamine sensitivity. Introverts have just spent 14 months not being able to maintain and flex their social muscles, which means they’re probably going to have to build them up again.
That might mean that even having two of the same small talk-type conversations might make the introvert exhausted, whereas pre lockdown they could have 10 and managed ok.
So just be kind to introverts. If you’ve dialed into a Zoom call, maybe don’t try and spend the first 10 minutes asking them what they did over the weekend (which probably isn’t much to talk about anyway) and telling them what you did.
Maybe just do a quick check-in and then move on. Or let them lead the conversation so if they’ve got a bit more mental energy they may want to chat for a little longer.
So be kind, but also do invite your introvert friends out as well
Living in a pandemic has been hard, and when you’ve had 14 months of being told that it’s dangerous to go out or see people, it’s actually quite hard to break that cycle for some introverts.
Whilst introverts are more likely to take calculated risks, they are less likely to take risks in general and for many, seeing people and going outside doesn’t seem a very wise choice.
We’re still being told to ‘Act as if you have Covid’, so going to the supermarket or sitting in a pub garden seems pretty risky to some introverts.
So introverts might need a little gentle nudge every now and again to encourage them to come back out into the real world.
Don’t force them, guilt them or shame them. Be kind, but be consistent.
Don’t get frustrated with what seems like tentative steps in your eyes.
You’ve both got very different perspectives and they may feel like it’s a huge step. Just remind them you’ve missed them, and try to go at their pace.
