We read a lot of marriage books on the run up to our wedding. We took a marriage prep course with our pastor. We spent a long time with older couples and tried to ask for as much advice as we could. Although some people joked ‘You can’t really prepare for marriage’, we really did try as much as we could.
However from all the books and the conversations and the advice, we noticed nobody had ever mentioned anything about this. I had noticed it didn’t seem to be common amongst the couples that I knew well, but we agreed to try and do this when we got married.
Always go to bed together
It doesn’t sound very big or profound. It was just a simple habit we agreed to doing. 10 years on, we’re doing it and it’s been so key for our marriage.
Touch point at the end of the day
A lot of married couples go up separately when it suits them in the evening. One of them will usually go to sleep earlier, and the other person will come to bed later on. Instantly you’ve lost that opportunity to just speak to each other right at the end of the day.
Improves your marriage
Often, right at the end of the day can be the best time to have a proper conversation. Brushing your teeth together, getting ready for the following day and then getting into bed is such a perfect time to chat. We’ve often ended up speaking for a long time as it’s when we’re most relaxed and have the time and space to talk properly instead of when we’re rushing to work, grabbing tea before heading out somewhere again or trying to sustain any sort of conversation at the dinner table with small children. It’s calm, it’s uninterrupted (you have to keep your phone away) and that’s the best recipe for a good conversation together. You often hear ‘Marriage is hard’ but equally as Jordan Peterson says ‘Anything is hard if you don’t practice’. Putting time into your marriage by making space to talk is critical.
Encourages thoughtfulness for your spouse
If I just go to bed whenever I’m done for the evening, I’m losing the opportunity to think about what my spouse is doing that evening. Whether there’s anything they want help with or if they want to wrap something up that evening. If they want to go to bed earlier, and you’re a night owl you get the opportunity to make compromises together to ensure you still get to have some quality time together. The more we take opportunities to think about our spouse, rather than our own needs, the more marriages flourish.
Improved sleep hygiene
There’s lot of evidence coming out now about how bad it is to go on your screen in the last 30 – 60 minutes of your day. From affecting your mood to disrupting your sleep cycle it’s not a good habit to get into. Having a relaxed conversation or reading together is considered very good sleep hygiene. So not only will it benefit your marriage, but it should help you go to sleep easier and sleep better.
It’s an easy habit to be consistent with
This is not really a difficult habit to implement. It doesn’t involve you having to buy anything, going out to the house or starting a new activity. Everyone goes to bed every day. Admittedly, if you or your spouse work in an industry involving shifts this is challenging – you need to think of a time of day you can intentionally set aside to speak to each other where you’re not in a rush. Apart from a few odd evenings where my husband was working until the early hours of the morning, and in the early days of a newborn, we have consistently kept this habit very easily.
Worth it?
Maybe this doesn’t sound like it will make much of an impact. Or maybe you don’t want to have to compromise by changing your evening plans. My challenge is to try it for one week. Just a week and see what conversations start to happen, what details about your spouse’s life you find out, what new inside jokes you develop and how you feel going to sleep every night after truly connecting with your spouse.
